Muslimah Reformis

I’m An Activist of Anti Women Violence, Later A VICTIM

There is a shocking fact for people before i start to tell my story. I’m an activist and my main focus is about women issues. Everything that is related to women and injustice, i’ll be in front row to talk about that. Educate people how to make good and safe society for women. Even guide them what to do if they hear, see or even experience as a victim of violence by themselves. But i couldn’t handle myself when it happened to me few months ago. I am a victim of domestic violence.

When i was ten years old my parents got divorced. Soon after that, i moved and started to live with my mother’s younger sister. She is married and has two sons and one daughter. Everything was fine, just like a normal family. Even my uncle never treated me like an outsider. He has fairly treated me as good as his own daughter. But once his income collapsed, it is where all problems came along and destroyed me slowly.

Aunty started to be upset with my presence even though i’m her niece. No matter how i tried to do something to help this family especially in financial, she couldn’t ever see me as her own daughter. But i used to considered this family as my own family. I grew up and developed myself in this family. But sadly they are the first ones who hurt and destroyed my life in one night.

It started with the argument between uncle and his daughter. Later the aunt came in the argument and started to takimg my name. I was in my room and could hear them all very clearlyr. They were very jealous of me. They think my uncle spoils me too much since i’m not his biological daughter. Because she started to say my name in a rude way, i forced myself to got out from my room. I stood in front of door, and asked a bit loudly why she brought my name in the argument. I didn’t do anything and i didn’t want to involve into the argument.

But she started to yell at me and say all kind of hurtful things towards me. I was really shocked and my human nature made me argue back with her, especially when i didn’t start any argument. It was a verbal fight until her elder son who is 6 years younger than me came in between. He pushed me hard until i fell down when my back landed first. I fought back by throwing him with my empty tumblr then he ran to me to tangle me down. Then he grabbed my neck and choked me. All i could remember is the pain when i tried to breath. I was suffocated vigrously and my uncle and his little youngest son tried to release his hands from my neck. Meanwhile when i was being choked vigrously without any mercy, the daughter kept yelling and abused me. It is a shame that she being a woman herself, she could stoop so low and enjoy the the sufferings of a fellow woman. The craziest part is even the aunt while tried to release me from her son choking me, her mouth kept talking hurtful things in front of my face. To which im still traumatised to this minute while im writing this.

It was 5 darkest minutes of my life. When i tried to release from his grip, i really thought it will be the end of my life. Until today I’m still trying to process what happened to me. After that scene, i packed some clothes and move somewhere in early morning to save my life. I didn’t feel safe anymore to be in that house. I also tried to report my case at the police station. But the result was not really good. They couldn’t report my case because apparently they said that there was no enough evidence. I had some small wounds on my hands and marks on my neck. And i also felt so much pain on my tailbone which didnt allow me to sit well for long time and couldn’t lay down comfortable. But how could the police say that there was no enough evidence? All i could really imagine was about all the victims who tried to report must have got the same treatment here. Poor us as a victim of violence.

Did my other family members support me? Not really. I don’t need any sympathy from anyone but just real action against my abusers. It was only my mother who spread the word of incident to all family and keep swearing for what happened to me. Also my partner who lives far a way from me, guided me and tried to make me stay sane. Some relatives had supported me in escape financially. But still they couldn’t do anything about me as a victim. They even didn’t try to be my side, but just be neutral. I believe they think it is just a normal fight in family and later everything will be back normal. When the reality is i got traumatized no matter how much i try to not remember about the incident.

I never imagine that me myself could be a victim when everyone knows i’m an activist of anti women violence. It was getting worse when i couldn’t handle myself well when it happened to me. I thought i could do something about me just like how i educate people. The reality kicked me so hard. And i also feel ashamed with myself that time. It took time for me to understand all of that. All i can say is that i’m still not healed 100% but i’m much better now. I started to live alone and try to make myself happy with little things.

Slowly with my experience, i can learn a lot. The law system in Indonesia is still not doing any better. I can remember how the police didn’t take me serious when i explained what happened to me. Matter of fact they even blamed me indirectly. I was almost in tears that time but i backed myself to stay strong for my rights. Also people mindset makes them believe that domestic violence is a normal thing that can happen in your house. Because i can see how some of my relatives acted towards me. They just showed sympathy without trying to solve the main problem. They even didn’t try to say what aunty and her children did to me was totally wrong. Isn’t it obvious i got attacked, right?

Well, my empathy goes to all victims in violence especially women. It will never be easy for a victim to to go through what happen to them. But i hope all of you will find the strength to pass bad memories and aim better future. Because you deserve to live happily. For myself, i will keep fighting in my own ways. With my experience i believe i can do a change for the future. I will be staying in the front row still to talk about women issues, either with my presence or my writings. My experience keeps making me stronger to fight more until we have a future where women can live in peace and justice.

Author: Yolanda Eka