Marriage as The Foundation for A Peaceful Society
Musdah Mulia
It is very interesting to note that The Qur’an discusses marriage in detail in many verses. There are no less than 106 verses, whether using the phrase al-nikah (unification) which is repeated 23 times or using the word zauwj (spouse) 80 times and the word wahaba (sacrifice) two times. Understanding the real meaning of marriage in Islam means unraveling all verses stating about marriage, sorting them out by theme to see them as a whole, before concluding the essence of the verses.
The primacy of tauhid as the foundation of Islam is universally acknowledged, but the full implications of divine unity are frequently overlooked. Tauhid is too often misunderstood as applicable solely to the vertical relationship between humans and their Creator as a doctrine regarding the attributes of God, the pillars of the faith, and similar matters. But the true significance of tauhid is inseparable from the everyday concerns of social relations among humans, including the relationship between men and women. This is because a correct understanding of the relationship between God and his human creations has direct implications for the relations among humans.
The conviction that there is only one God, that God is without equal, and that God has neither child nor personification, naturally carries with it the principle of the equality of human beings before God. No human is above any other, but all are essentially equal. Because God alone is Lord, no human may be deified or exalted as an object of awe, worship or unconditional obedience. Kings are not lords of their people, husbands are not lords of their wives, the rich are not lords of the poor. Fear of or unconditional obedience to kings, leaders, superiors, or husbands that exceeds fear and obedience to God is a denial of tauhid.
A logical inference from the Prophet’s message of the indivisibility of the divine is the fundamental equality of God’s creatures. The doctrine of tauhid is also the foundation for human freedom. Since the time of Adam mankind has been subject to various forms of human tyranny and oppression. Most of humanity has lived under the domination of others. The rich and powerful have used their wealth and power to repress the weak and the powerless. Slaves, the poor, women, and children have generally been the most oppressed.
In addition to tyranny imposed by others, humanity was also subject to the domination of their own false beliefs, values, and traditions. The worship of idols and the glorification of the tribe and tribal values in the pre-Islamic age of ignorance produced their own forms of subjugation. Discrimination against women, for example, was justified by a patriarchal gender ideology that was rooted in the tribal value structure. Shame over the birth of daughters led to the murder by parents of completely innocent baby girls.
Tauhid liberates humanity from these false beliefs and despotisms. The Quran condemns all forms of worship, loyalty, or obedience to any but God, and enjoins believers to forsake everything that distracts from the total submission to God alone. “I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me.” Q.S. al-Dzariyat, 51: 56. Just as tauhid is the foundation of Islam, the denial of tauhid, shirk, is the greatest evil. The word shirk is conventionally translated into English as “polytheism,” but the concept of shirk is deeper and more complex than the English term suggests. A more accurate definition of shirk is the association of anything with God (Aslan, 2005: 151). The worship of other gods is shirk, but it is also shirk in any way to anthropomorphize God, since identifying God with human qualities implies limits on God’s boundless majesty and power. In its broadest sense shirk includes anything that in any way detracts from God’s absolute oneness or impedes complete devotion to God and God alone.
The Quranic condemnation of shirk applies not only to worship but to every facet of human existence. In the context of social relations, the prohibition against shirk means that no individual or group may exalt itself over any other individual or group. Tauhid requires obedience to God over every other allegiance. Kings and rulers may not dominate or reign over their people; the strong may not oppress the weak; white skinned races may not esteem themselves above people of color; men can no longer consider themselves proprietors of women. Likewise, traditionally disadvantaged groups, like the poor, the weak, and women, may not acquiesce in domination by others, since in doing so the purity of tauhid is inevitably tainted.
Thus, a correct understanding of tauhid leads to true humanitarian principles and values. Tauhid safeguards humanity from subjugation to anything but God, and prevents the domination or oppression of one group by another. This is because tauhid situates the Creator as creator and creation as creation.
The Quranic commitment to the values of equality and freedom is total and unqualified. But practical considerations made immediate implementation of those ideals impossible, and necessitated the adoption of a gradualist approach to their full realization. Slavery, for example, is plainly incompatible with the principle that all human beings are free and equal before God. But despite its evident inconsistency with the message of tauhid, slavery could not be immediately abolished, since it was accepted as legitimate in many parts of the world. Prudence required that the emancipation of slaves be accomplished in stages. This gradual approach to the eventual complete abolition of slavery is manifest in, i.a., the admonition to free slaves as compensation for various types of legal infractions, such as unintentional killing,
For the same reasons the full emancipation of women could only be achieved gradually. For thousands of years before Islam women were regarded as not fully human, and for that reason lacked the rights to have their own opinions, to work, and to own property. Women did not even own their own bodies. Islam gradually restored the rights of women as free individuals: to give voice to their own convictions, to work for themselves, and to own property so as to be acknowledged as full members of society. During the time of the Holy Prophet women were pictured as active and free.
How to understand the Islamic teaching?
Many Muslims: women and men do not have a complete understanding of Islamic teachings. Islamic teachings actually can be divided in two important aspects: vertical and horizontal. The vertical aspect implies human’s obligation to God (hablun min allah), while the horizontal aspect entails relations between human beings (hablun min al-nas), including the relationship between husband and wife. In my opinion, the second aspect is deemed crucial that The Qur’an and Hadith are filled with principles of humanitarian values; that all human beings are equal regardless their gender, ethnic, and race.
The problem is the vertical aspect of Islamic teachings much more implemented in Muslim society, but the horizontal aspect tends to be neglected. So that the humanitarian dimension which actually reflects the vertical aspect, receives less attention in Muslim daily life.
It is very interesting to note that The Qur’an discusses marriage in detail in many verses. There are no less than 106 verses, whether using the phrase al-nikah (unification) which is repeated 23 times or using the word zauwj (spouse) 80 times and the word wahaba (sacrifice) two times. Understanding the real meaning of marriage in Islam means unraveling all verses stating about marriage, sorting them out by theme to see them as a whole, before concluding the essence of the verses.
The Qur’an clearly justifies the importance of marriage. The Qur’an also describes marriage as mitsaqan ghalidzan, or strong commitment between two equal parties enclosed with love, mercy and compassion. Each party is obliged to maintain the sanctity and perpetuity of the commitment. The Qur’an always stresses the egalitarian relationship between spouses.
Marriage law is a matter of surpassing importance in Muslim society. The law of marriage, divorce and inheritance is always treated more thoroughly and in greater detail in the Muslim society than any almost other subject. One of the signal contributions of Islam to seventh century Arabian society was a dramatic improvement in the status of women within marriage.
The importance of marriage law within Islam is most often mentioned in connection with efforts to resist changes to classical era doctrines. Conservative rejection of proposals to limit male divorce and polygamy and to equalize male-female inheritance rights is frequently cited as evidence of the central place of family doctrine within Islamic jurisprudence. But concern with marriage and inheritance is not limited to conservative defenders of the received doctrine; family law is also vitally important to Muslims who are committed to reinterpreting or renewing the legal tradition in response to the needs and realities of contemporary life.
Marriage as a source of peaceful society
Deep analysis on all verses talking about marriage concludes five basic principles of marriage in Islamic teachings as follows:
First, the principle of mitsaqan galiza (strong commitment between spouses). The logical consequences of this principle are each spouse must observe their respective rights and obligations. For example, a husband must exercise his rights and obligations and so does a wife. Islam regulates in great detail the rights and obligations of a husband and wife, parents and children, as well as the relationship that holds between one family and other families. Marriage is also viewed as a sacred bond, carrying with it a worldly and heavenly dimension.
This has to be underlined as marriage in Muslim society has very often been seen as a contract just between the groom and the bride’s father or the guardian, instead of between the spouses. This may discourage women from taking more responsibility in marriage because they barely have legal rights in the first place. The emphasis on social contract is necessary to eliminate the incorrect perception of marriage as a possession of husband.
Second, the principle of al-musawa (gender equality). The condition of gender equity can be built through the efforts to put to an end any form of discriminatory acts which, socio-culturally, psychologically and politically, render man and woman in such an unfortunate position, making them unable to play an optimal role in the family. In a married life, the portion of duties and obligations of husband and wife should be fairly distributed. Fair as meant here does not necessarily mean that the duties and obligations are of exactly the same nature and quantity; rather they are proportionally distributed, depending on the mutual agreement. The distribution of work, both at home or outside, should pay due attention to the safety of woman’s reproductive function.
Third, the principle of al-mawaddah wa rahmah (loving and compassionate). A prosperous family is build upon a principle of mawaddah wa rahmah, a family in which loving and compassionate atmosphere reigns between husband and wife. Affection and compassion stem from the earnestness and sincerity of each of the married couple in accepting the existence of her or his partner the way she or he is, demanding no more than that. The sense of mawaddah wa rahmah will prevent every one from occurring various manifestos of domestic violence, be physically, psychically, sexually, or violence in the form of the economic abandonment
Fourth, the principle of al-mu’ashara bi al-ma’ruf, means humane behavior towards others, particularly in the relationship between husband and wife. The word ma’ruf doesn’t just mean goodness, but also goodness with attention to particularity and locality. So, in the relationship between spouse, it is very needed a mutual protection and complementation. Married couple should be fully aware that as human beings they must have strengths and weaknesses. No human is perfect. Therefore, the couple should protect, safeguard and complement each other.
Yet, there has been widely circulating in the veins of society’s blood the age-long misleading conception that a husband is the captain of the family whose assignment is to guide and protect his wife. This stereotyped view that a husband is super ordinate to his wife and the wife is subordinate to the husband legitimates the conviction that the husband is a master; the wife is just a maid. Such standpoint negates the reality prevailing in the society. The existing reality witnesses that many wives have been endowed with expertise and intelligence exceeding those of the husbands. Even, it has often been encountered that a wife often becomes the backbone of a family in catering the family’s economic needs.
Fifth, the principle of monogamy. Happy wed can only be built on the principle of monogamy, namely one husband and one wife, This principle shall be well understood in the essential meaning of the word, in that one husband and one wife shall not be construed as above paper only, but rather in the true reality. What is meant is that either a husband or a wife has only one partner, be in their life at home or outside the home. In no circumstances are husband and wife allowed to violate the principle of monogamy. The breach towards this principle is the outbreak of the breakup and the ruin of an institution of a family.
Those are the five Islamic basic principles in establishing a happy married life. Those five principles can be adopted as the guidance in creating a prosperous and quality family which can provide peace of heart and mind and wellbeing to everyone. From these five principles we can conclude that the main purpose of marriage in Islam is to build a happy family life with the foundation of peace and compassion (mawaddah), blissful (sa’adah) and prosperous (sakinah).
